Sunday, 30 October 2016

Come back stronger

Certainly gonna have to start with my favourite and definitely one of the most beautiful quotes in the world. 

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." 

I've had this posted some where in one of my previous posts but really, i can't emphasize this further. 

This journey in life, the path you're on is different. It's different from everyone else's and every single living being on earth is going through different things at the same time. 

Many times we tell one another, "hey yes, i understand what you're going through, i've been there" but i guess it's more of "i can empathise with you though i haven't exactly been in your shoes" and that, is more than enough. Every experience you're going through, every nonsense you're facing, it's bound to bring you some where in life. It all happened for you to (hopefully one day) realise that actually, what you've been through is absolutely nothing as compared to what you're going through right now

We ALL take things or sometimes, even people for granted at one point of time or another. However, bear in mind that you ought to be content with whatever you have now because you're blessed, really blessed to have been here. 

I worked at the F1 event in SG for three whole days and on the second night, i did something subconsciously, on accident and it had involved a customer, which till this day makes me feel guilty. To someone like me, it was a hell of a problem because i cannot stand not being able to be on form and in my best service. To others, it may be a small matter. 

I spilled a few glasses of champagne onto a customer's bag. Okay, so i was really tired and there was a tray of two or three champagnes on my hand and there, they were fighting over who should get the drink first. I stood there as lost as anyone could ever get and as i reached for one of the glasses, shit happened. Her bag was wet and it was some expensive leather. :') The kind husband and wife though, repeatedly insisted that they're good and it was all good and there was nothing to worry about but guilt really engulfed me. 

They had to take down a report and as my supervisor spoke to me, i realised i was crying my heart out. I've got no idea why i did, but all i did was bawl my eyes out my eyeballs could have dropped. 

She then told me this: 

The world is a very cruel place. Why condemn yourself when everything else is already condemning you? Mistakes are bound to happen and sometimes, all you can do is count yourself lucky for not getting into an unlucky situation while watching others fall. 

The next day, my suite in charge told me that it was a new day and i didn't have to be afraid to face the husband and wife and i have to forget all about it. She told me that shit happens and we just have to suck it up. Let's be real here, i guess this is how life works and i can't lie?? Some people really DO turn their backs on you, but hang in there because you're all strong. 

Learn from the mistakes, learn from the experience. Then learn how to better yourself and grow stronger from there. You are only this age once in your entire lifetime so don't waste it, and live life fully. Life is short. And i know for sure, i wouldn't wanna deal with monsters and useless conversations. 

A few weeks ago, i had quite a few major situations to handle in my life and also deal with my unstable emotions and all that i knew was i'm strong, but i've been strong for too long. I held so many things up in myself they eventually took over and crashed me. 

Penning down late night thoughts again and i can't sleep, there's school in a few hours sigh. 

xoxo, 
Rach 

Friday, 9 September 2016

Stay real

Someone once asked me, what i would have done if i were given just $100,000 and to be very honest, i really have no idea. I mean, having receive an amount like this over nothing would definitely feel good, right? I can't help feel extremely lost at this. 

I was taken aback, but after giving it much thought, i still can't come to an agreement with myself. Asked twice, and twice i answered i would split them into quarts and gave them to my parents and brother then myself. What would i do then? With the remaining $25K i have. "I'm gonna do whatever i want to, splurge, travel, eat and just, whatever". 

Really? Rachel really?? If this $25K was to be translated into five years worth of life, and i would have just five years left, what would i REALLY do?

Five years from now, seems legit, seems like a long time. Is it really? Five years is pretty short, when i have my to finish my education and when i finally graduate from University (that's if i can actually make the cut HAHA), almost five years would be up. Now that's fast. 

Eighteen years into my life and i've always told myself that i should really do whatever i want, lead my life however i want because life is too short and i wouldn't have time for regrets, AT ALL. Looking back, yes i've done so, but more than half the time, i spend reminiscing, feeling regretful over certain things, overthinking many things, wasting time, not studying and working hard enough, not getting enough sleep, irregular meals and the list might as well go on for the next 10 hours. 

Do what you do best, even if it means you have to step out of your comfort zone because it's really not easy for one to just be comfortable in your own skin overnight. Trust me, be yourself, be who you truly are, do things the way you want (i don't mean drilling your opinions into others because sometimes we make wrong decisions too), ALWAYS LISTEN to what others have to say, improve on yourself, and most importantly, be happy and learn to accept and love yourself. 

If you were to have five years to get your shit together and learn to be yourself, even if you have just one day to be your whole self, you won't regret. So, ask yourself, what you really wanna do with your life and think about how you wanna live it. Be brave. 

Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Getting back on track

Been so long since the last time I actually came here and made my blog more alive LOL. It's been about 10 months?? Wow, time really flies. This post might be yet another nag haha.

For starters, I just wanna say that I’m really thankful for those who cared, genuinely, and those who bothered because handling me has never been easy, I'm a troublesome child. 

Many, many things have happened and I had to go through both physical exhaustion and mental breakdowns, mixed and heavy emotions ran through me but I'm just here to pen down my thoughts. 

Have you ever felt like crying your eyes out, screaming your lungs out, and you start grabbing your chest in the middle of the night watching movies like Love, Rosie and feeling the heart ache?

Because I have, and that is probably not the best feelings in the world. You have overused your emotions so much so that you start to be so numb. Numb to the point where tears don’t even drop when you want them to. Numb towards everyone, and slowly, everything. It's so tiring and all you can do is waste your life away for a week and I mean, literally. 

I still can't figure out what came over me recently but all I can point out is the fact that I gave up on myself and it was for the first time, I ever could not be bothered about physically attending school at all. Whatever happened to the ‘me’ I once knew and once understood fully about?

I used to panic and rush to school, even if I were to just attend for a mere 30-minute lesson because I was late af, but I didn't even bother. All I ever remember doing these days was head right back to sleep, even if i woke up early. Or even, earlier than usual. I'd try to sleep, try to sleep everything away, attempt running away from my responsibilities and, to what I realised weeks later, my own life. 

For the first time in my entire existence, I haven’t been able to recognise faces for a month or two. Recognising people has always been a knack. Just more than a month ago I met a friend I was close to, and still is. What was different was I found her utterly familiar, yet I took two whole minutes of staring and frustrations trying to figure out who she was, and it only hit me after I said Hi, and I really don’t know why or how that even happened. I swear I almost bawled my eyes out after that whole overwhelming situation, my heart was at a loss.

Still, I’d wake up to the same shit every day, same life, same place, same me, same torture. I understand that this is just a small part of my entire life and just a part and parcel of life but sometimes, things happen, right? They feel so surreal I can’t ever seem to piece everything correctly but all I know is, what I’m doing to myself, is not worth it, it’s not… doing myself justice.  

Picking myself up and trying to get back on track ain't no easy feat, but trust me, time will heal, although slowly. Go on and keep trying because you'll realise every little effort does count. It’s never going to be easy, it’s okay to feel useless and hopeless, but hang in there.

To my precious and wonderful friends out there, no matter what you’re going through, remember that you are NEVER alone. What I’ve gone through may not have been the greatest ordeal yet far, but I just want to say that I’m slowly picking myself up… and I hope you guys do, too. Life wasn’t made to be easy. It’s an experience we all have to go through. Go, make the best out of it. 

All the best with life,
xoxo 

Thursday, 8 October 2015

O levels last minute revision tips!!!

Tips for O's (well, not really. Just some last-minute advice you might wanna heed, or maybe not) 

I believe O's starts sometime around 20th October??? 

Students are definitely stressed, feeling like they're trapped. Some wanna hurry end this misery, some still feel unprepared, some don't bother, some are choked up. Believe me or not, everything will be over soon, way before you even know it. 

Fear, anxiety, stress, nervousness, etc, scratch ALL of that. Take them to the back of your heads and you'll be fine. 


1. Don't EVER ever deprive yourself of sleep. You may not have finished revising, screw that. You need the sleep to function more than anything else. 

2. Make sure you fuel your body's energy as well. 

3. Eat something sweet before your papers. Or you can pour some sweet drinks into a thermos flask and bring it into your examination room, throw some ice in if you want :). Something like ribena may help, for sugar rush so your brain may work a little faster in the morning. It really did help in my case. 

4. If you can't get the theory, get the definitions, formulae are important!! Memorise every single formula and definition possible so they can guide you to answer theory questions!! 

5. Questions these days mostly don't test just your knowledge, there are a lot application questions! You have to learn to apply all your knowledge onto to questions. So it's not pure memorising but how you actually would take them to practical affairs. 

6. You should know every single other rule by now so good luck and all the best my friends! ;) 



To all those who've received (or haven't, i'm not quite sure) their promotion/retention statuses, congrats to those who've promoted, y'all done really well, and those who've, sad to say, retained, fear not, it's not that you didn't do well, you may have made some mistakes here and there. Fret not! I'm pretty sure everyone have worked really hard and continue to do so and strive for the best!!!! See all of you soon friends! :* 

I'm back

First things first, i haven't blogged much this year. Well actually, i haven't blogged at all. I DID make drafts from time to time but didn't end up publishing. 

Spent over 2hours filtering my typos from the very first post on this blog and took down quite a few posts. I'm actually still in the midst of editing and i'm getting lazier fml. It's 5.15am right now. For the extremely long posts, i only went theough briefly omg i'm so tired right now and im finally done. Forgive my errs okie guys. 

It's been 2 years since i said i was gonna be active here and 3 since this blog started. Wow, felt like i was just contemplating whether i should start a new blog yesterday and now we're here. For the longest time ever, i've been considering taking down this blog because it's honestly been vvvv dead and i felt like i couldn't commit. As i read through all the posts, so many memories came flooding me again. So i decided to filter my typos take some posts down, with the addition of this post hehe. The filtering i've done and the typing i'm doing now maybe not be perfect as well cause i might have a brain malfunction, might. 

SooooOOOOooOoo much to say, i'll try to make it short k. Y'all know how long my posts can get XD. 

Okie i've so much to update on ever since my first draft this year (which obviously isn't up on my blog) but i'll catch up soon. I have so much to say!!! 

My apologies if you were disappointed with this short and meaningless post! :'( I just wanted to say that I'll try to update more often and read my older posts now if you haven't and because i might decide to clear all my posts soon. My blog is a starter and i'll be clearing my Instagram feed soon too, while being flooded with memories :'). 

My next post will be on O's LAST MINUTE REVISION TIPS (to hopefully help O level students this year) and post O levels things!! I'll make that post short and sweet for this bunch because O's is around the corner, JUST ABOUT 2 WEEKS LEFT. Hang in there, friends. To the friends taking A's, Y'ALL GOT THIS K. DO WELL!!!!!! Jiayous everyone!!!! 

*i need to make a post on my experience in poly life too, which many may be curious about. 

A big thank you to the friends who've been with me during the last 3 years.

Till then,
xx 


Friday, 27 March 2015

Soar

"Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want." 

[I actually drafted this sometime in April 2014, while we were on the way to MBS for our Geographical Investigation. I can never forget how we actually spent 2/3 of the time chilling in MBS instead XD] 

So about a week ago (a week before our GI last year haha), Ms yap shared with us an extremely inspirational clip that got me to reflect about my life and what I've been doing. I'm happy to say that I've always tried things that came along in my way, tried to go through hard times and cope with the many obstacles in my life.

You may be thinking what in the world would a 16-year-old have to go through? Truth is, i'm well aware that i'm not alone and there are definitely others who are going through a much harder time than me. Let's just cut to the chase, yes, like i said, last year's been bad and this year's (2k14, i cant stop emphasising how i created this post last year fml) starting off well and i'm enjoying it. But the time that we've got to spend is really very short, we have about 5-6 months left and we're all going to graduate and go our separate ways. 

That leads me to my next point. Stress is starting to seep into us and bleed us dry. Our mother tongue papers are in 2 months' time but it seems like i dont even bother anymore. Then our other papers are in about 6 months' time. It's gonna be really difficult to cope and i already feel like im drowning in the midst of everything. 

Our class definitely went through a lot and is the class that always get scolded and negative remarks from the various teachers we have. 

Something awful happened about 2 weeks ago and i shouldnt post what happened online. But yes, our class seem to have been trying to change and make amendments to our own actions and responsibilities. That incident caused many teachers to approach us. That led to Ms Yap, our Math teacher, who wasn't in any way related to us except through math (of which my classmates refer to as the alien world), approach us and tell us that we should all wake up from our dreams and start appreciating the time with one another. 

Although, she's just our math teacher, our class respects her a lot and i guess it all comes down to fate. 

In any case, Ms Yap has tried, in her own ways, to tell us that life is really really short but while embarking on this rough journey, it feels so long. 

Like i said, i have always been keen to try and experience new things that come along the way. To me, experience is what really matters in life because if all you've done was to lead that monotonous life, your life would be SERIOUSLY meaningless. Life's like that. It's tiring and energy draining and no doubt mentally straining but live it well and make choices that you want, not what others want you to do, because you should go ahead and do things you do NOT regret. 

Everyone has dreams. Be it realistic or not, you definitely have one inside your head. If there's really none, it's time you get your shit together and learn to try out new things and have a wider view of life. 

I've always been insecure about mine and don't be expectant because mine is so unrealistic i dont even think it will even happen. 

Whatever happens, even if i fail, i will, just like what the quote says, gain experience from what i didnt achieve.

As much as i'm highly insecure to voice out my dreams, i shared a speech with the class recently and i hope i will help the people out there. PLEASE DO NOT EVER GIVE UP ON WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. Although it may be tough, learn from your mistakes (or should i say experience) and make it better. 

*** Here goes:

Good morning Miss Chai and fellow classmates, 

              Today, I will be touching on the topic of Singapore being a better place if things were to change. 

              First off, Singapore would be a better place if every one was given equal rights and opportunities to pursue their dreams and realise their talents. Education has led us to thinking that we should all get good grades, then good jobs like being doctors and lawyers because they are “high-paying” jobs. Then, life would be much easier and better. 

              What people don’t realise is that if everyone were to become doctors and laywers, who is going to do the other jobs like low paying jobs? Singaporeans are so good at complaining about foreign talents and them taking over us but if one day, Singapore were to be taken over by foreign talents, what would you do to salvage it?

              It is true that getting good grades and good jobs would better ease our lives. However, have you thought of those who aren’t equally smart to attain good grades and occupations? What are they going to do? How are they going to survive without high paying jobs? Is their future over? Whatever it is, the bottom few will always exist and they are given much lesser opportunities to do what they want to do compared to those from the top as their grades are not as good. 

              In our education system, we are categorized according to how book smart we are and not how well we are able to survive and adapt to new changes in life. We are constantly comparing our grades to others’ and are also constantly being compared to others by our parents. This does not only make many students in Singapore lose motivation in their lives and studies, many turn to suicide and some are down with depression. 

              Not that Singapore’s education system is not good, but because we have so many subjects to study for and there is so much to be tested on, we are in a way, forced to learn everything, whether we like it or not. We chose our subjects in Secondary 2 because we were interested in them, but turns out that we have to memorise everything so that we can complete all the questions during the very limited timed examinations. 

              Back to where I started, Singaporeans are not given much opportunity to establish and work towards our real goals. We are, instead, made to work towards getting good grades. At this age of ours, many of us are in fact, still unsure of what we really want to do. Honestly, I have always wondered “What do I want to do? What am I living for?”. Up till this moment, questions like these still haunt me. 

              The rigid education system has prevented many people from doing what they really want to do because of their grades. A great example is that quite a number of our classmates here have huge dreams to become pilots. Unfortunately, they are stereotyped because “oh, pilots are supposed to be males, they have to be good in math, they have to take physics as their science subject.” As true as this may be, we should always encourage them because putting people down by telling them they can neither do this or that because of their incapability and especially because they dreams are unrealistic could drive one up one’s wall. 

              Isn’t it contradictive that people support the idea of saying that “nothing is impossible” yet they say that our dreams are unrealistic and these are the paths we can’t choose and take in life?

              Studies have shown that the highest suicide rates come from Singapore. To put a bright light for everyone by using an example, is that a female pilot once took off for the Singapore National Day parade (it was in 2005 or 2006 i can't really remember but my Pri 1/2 form teacher told our class and i have no idea how it got to my head). We should all be given a chance to realise our dreams instead of being told that our dreams are unrealistic and we shouldn’t let our hopes get crushed by those hard words. Don’t ever forget that you choose what you do with your life and you make the decisions. Go for what you want to do and not go for what pleases others. Especially when you are told to do what you're good at and no what you WANT to do, remember that you're the one studying, not them. The future is YOURS and YOU decide it. 

              Since all these talking about our education system wouldn’t change a thing about what we’re going to have to continue doing, we should at least make someone’s day better. Smile, they say your smile is the most beautiful because it’s unique and your smile can brighten up someone’s day although you may be oblivious to it. 

              With that, I end my speech. I know this was a long one, thank you for your time and attention. ***


Well, all the best to you guys who are bent on reaching your destination. It takes endurance and determination. Always remember that you'll never make it if you think you won't. 


Just wanna tell y'all that i was indirectly speaking to one of my classmates, Nicole Francis in my speech above that she shouldn't give up on her hopes of becoming a pilot. Well, that was when we were 16. She's taken up some aerospace engineering course in SP and she told us that she knows it's not possible for her to become a pilot, so she'll become one of those people who will make the planes or something like that. I was truly touched at what Nicole told us and she's such an inspiration :') Press on Nic, i know you can do this 

I was talking to another friend of mine and i happened to touch on this topic and i really felt like i should share this to help the rest. BTW, i just wanna share that I'm really really happy to hear that the words i said on the day of my speech lighted up Nicole's ears and she was so impressed at that and she was more than determined. Thank you Nic, really. Oh ya, I tend to speak casually all the time in person and SINGLISH is MY THING. So my classmates were just waiting for me to go like 'aiya NEH mind' and like 'you know HOR'. Guys, it was a speech for ENGLISH class and Ms Chai would just slaughter me alive with a parang if i did that HAHAHAHAHAHAHA 


Thank you guys so much for the journey and i'll be updating soon with a long long post man. I swear i've been wanting to blog for FOREVER but im really DAMN LAZY and i've been too constrained to do anything. I have no idea who actually reads my blog but thank you  I really miss 405 and i miss getting scolded for talking sleeping eating and whatsoever. I just wanna be in that classroom again. I miss everyone. To those who are already struggling in JC, please hold on, it'll all be over soon!!! I love you guys so so much 




Friday, 5 December 2014

F I N A L L Y

Hey guys, it's actually been about 11 months since i last posted lol what a joke. Anyway  throughout the entire 11 months, many things have happened. Of course, i've blogged a few times but they became drafts and i never posted them. I just went back to read some of them and decided im gonna post them later on.

Just to catch up with my last post, i'd like to say that things have gotten better. Some vicious things have probably happened as the days went by this year but things are going well now, except for the fact that some things still remain unchanged. Just to add on, i didn't read everything cause it was such a long post HAHA.

On the brighter side, things are much calmer and i have indeed grown again, physically, mentally and emotionally HAHA i look like a bag of fat ew. Anyway, the entire year consisted mainly of O levels, O levels and O levels. The entire period was such a stressful one although half the time i didn't study and was just fooling around, getting F9s and thinking it's all a joke HAHAHA

So glad that O's are over and i've put my very best into it (except for humanities because ew at humanities) but there were still careless mistakes that i shouldn't have made!! :'((

So after O levels ended, apparently i headed for Genting with my tutor and some of them tuition mates the very next day HAHAHA. Genting was so much fun but honestly the food there really sucks and i didn't get to eat well :( we drank on both nights and kids were really high on alcohol oh god (that included myself btw) HAHAHA we said and did things which were freaking insane and whatever and i'm lazy to post any photos and there are so many to post so if i'm free i would just add a few photos to this post soon.

So i hunted for jobs and slacked for the remaining days of november and finally got myself settled down for a fixed job. Work started on 1 December and it's been good so far hehe.

I'm currently working at Braun Buffel and it's really fun to know that you're aware of the different leather used and different collections containing leather of different softness and texture. Let's not go to that haha but yeah it was kind of boring as my 3 training days were at the Suntec boutique and for the most part all i did was stand and greet customers but yes, i did serve customers and sold a few things. For a newbie, it's actually quite an accomplishment for myself so yay me. Thursday was my off day so i went out with Shi Hui and we bombed again but yes! I got new black flats and i no longer have to be stuck with the court shoes provided and standing on heels for so many hours only hurt my back and the heels of my feet ouch! That costed me about 40bucks lol. $39.95 to be exact HAHAHA and bought new shoes and bag all (what's new from Rachel Wee).

5 December: the first day of working at EXPO (another new experience hehe)

It was really fun and crazy and superrrrrr hecticccccc. Shi Hui and i headed for expo an hour earlier to give out flyers (okay, i've had experience in giving out flyers door to door and it's an easy feat. But it was my other FIRST, yet again, new experience giving out flyers like that in public). I was super scared of getting rejected and all but after a few rejections you're just like used to it already hahahaha. I witnessed guilty faces, people looking at the stack of flyers in my hand and walking while looking in the other direction, walking away from me, some smiling before rejecting, then some kind souls would take and leave, some take and smile and others would even say 'thank you'. I believe everyone of us have been approached and all and we've had all sorts of different reactions. But this entire hour of giving out flyers only let me know that i shouldn't be afraid of all these and just go ahead with whatever i'm doing. Honestly, i wanted to just not approach anyone anymore until there were people who smiled and, really even a smile to those people giving out flyers would let them brace themselves. And hey, i always smile even when i don't take the flyers okay, all you guilty people HAHAHA just kidding, make sure to not just roll your eyes at them and all!! It's really rude and mean :(( everyone's out to earn their bowl of rice.

Then, 9.30am we were at expo, setting up our booths and stuff. At first we decided to just let things be and let the customers dig all the lipsticks and what not since it would all be messed up at the end of the day. But after lunch, it was so chaotic we had to split everything according to their shades although they were already placed in the different series. Because there are so many shades and it was difficult for us to look for them and things got difficult for us too. We spent over an hour splitting everything and it was so tiringgggggg. We talked and played and drew on one another's hands using the testers and laughed at one another and did a lot things (btw, there were a lot other workers and they were mostly our age or a year older so all of us got along quite well hehe). We met this girl called Sherrlyn who was a year older and she's so niceeeeeee!! She reminds me a lot of Isis though HAHAHA. But she's a really nice and fun-loving co-worker hehe. The day was long and tiring and we went from being excited to tired to angry to hungry to tired to lazy and all sorts of crap. Overall the first day had been fun and when it was all over, everyone was so shagged HAHAHAH. Oh, and i survived the entire 13-14 hours outside on 2.5 hours os sleep gdi. So tired (it's 1.38am here omg) and so long readers,

xx

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